Sometimes my mind fights me. I want it to be always anticipating great and happy things, bursting with new ideas, full of creativity with the follow through to see things happen. Lately, my mind has let me down. Or is it my body...or both? Whatever it is, I want it to stop this unwelcome behavior and get back to the way it should be.
Here's an example. I don't want to cook....ever again.
I know that sounds extreme, but at the moment, that's the truth. I can't think of a single thing to make for dinner, I don't want to shop for groceries; lets just shut down the kitchen. I don't want to go out to eat either. I just want each man to fend for himself...lovely.
I also want a baby. Don't fall off your chair, I didn't say I want to have a baby! I miss having baby grandchildren. I don't want your baby or any one elses, although they are darling, I want my own baby grands or great grands. Just being honest here. My grands were born a year and a half apart, so we had two babies then they decided to grow up and then there were no babies. Now that they are men, I'm feeling the need for great grands. BUT...not before God's perfect timing with the mate God has waiting for them.
I don't think I need a vacation to get my happy face, I just came back from one. I don't think a new hair-do or new hobby is going to do it for me. I really think it's "old life crisis" as opposed to mid life crisis. Old life crisis is when you want to see the continuation of your family through babies being born. It's when you no longer need to cook lavish dinners (hint, hint) because the two of you need to knock eating down a notch! It's when new hair do's don't matter because whose going to notice anyway? It's when your usefulness is over... or so it seems.
I see so much of my mother's behavior in myself with what I'm feeling. Simplify, get rid of clutter, become a hermit. Yep, that hermit thing isn't too good.
Lord, you made me in your image, and I don't think I'm reflecting it very well. I'm ready for your make-over.
~It is well with my soul
9 comments:
Sometimes I would like us all to fend for ourselves when it comes to meals too.
I think you just are worn by that knee pain and you'll feel less hermit like after surgery.
A baby would be great medicine, but you are right in waiting for the right mate for those grandsons.
Well, I can bring you over a meal once a week... I make meals for someone else once a week, I will be posting my December meal plan, you can pick a meal a week. I'm serious... so if you want me to, I will :) My fee is pretty good... I require a hug :)
The grandchildren... you're on your own. My dad told me one time that he wasn't going to die until I gave him 3 more grandchildren. After looking around to make sure it was me he was talking too... I told him FAT CHANCE! thankfully he married a woman with 4 grandchildren so I dodged that bullet :)
shew!
and here i don't have to cook and i miss cooking ... sheesh, none of us are happy at the moment ... *smile* ... i agree with mari that maybe your pain levels and mobility stuff have something to do with it ... and the seasons too ...
it's good to feel these things at times because then we better understand others when they have those feelings! age does give us insight ...
(hugs) as scarlet said "tomorrow is another day!" ...
i know where you are coming from. I have thoughts like that too. I am having hip replacement surgery in January and I have lived with pain for about a year now, each week getting worse. Pain does strange things to us. So does pain medicene. Hang in there. There are better days ahead. (that is what everyone tells me anyway.)
Don't give up on the great-grands. I'm going to have two more soon. A great-granddaughter is due Jan.12 and Avery's (brother or sister) next July. I do love those little ones.
My sister and I have both said recently, that we thought we could be hermits. So maybe that is an age thing. (We compare ailments each day and if we both have the same ailments we say "old age" and move on.)
We must remember that better days are ahead.
I AM a hermit, unless one counts the weekend trips to the thrift/antique stores.
Do you think 'pain' might be the cause of this for you? I HATE pain. The trouble is, I ignore it and then that old adage "a stitch in time saves nine" comes into play. Although it might be more like ten stitches by the time I get around to it...
Hope and pray that you feel like yourself again soon.
Aww... as others have said, maybe it's the pain talking so please don't come down hard on yourself, ok?
And perhaps God is doing what He did to me--removing the grace you used to have so that you'll search and find the *new thing* He has for you now. He's given me a whole new life but He had to make my last one pretty unbearable so I'd be willing to search for the new one! (Wasn't fun, but it's sure fun now over on the other side.)
Are you sure you don't want to be a grandmother to other peoples' children? I know there are many babies out there who would love you to pieces. My own daughter doesn't plan to ever have kids so one day when I'm ready I will "rent grandkids." heh. But until then I hope to just keep enjoying God and where He's got me.
Hang in there, Pat! This, too, shall pass and Life will look great again. I promise. Hugs, Debra
Well said Pat! Wow I feel the same way. I am so miserable when I think of having to go to the store. I make Bob go with me. Then we aimlessly wander through the store throwing stuff in the basket we have no desire to cook or make. It isn't just you honestly. I have ALWAYS hated being the person to think of what EVERYONE would like to eat! NEVER enjoyed cooking. I could just not eat and be happy, and if I was hungry eat a can of spaghettios or something lol. Then I look at Wanda and all the wonderful meals she cooks and feel guilty! viscious cycle I tell you VICIOUS! I am looking forward to the day when all we need to do is feel our souls with the love of Christ....
I could have written this, Pat. In fact, I have been mentally resisting/adjusting/and depressing about my birthday coming up in about 23 days. I really need to get my act together!
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